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TWW...again. What to say or not to say to someone trying to conceive.

Updated: Feb 10, 2022

What did I do during this two week wait?

I still ate my pineapple core & brazil nuts. I did walk a lot more, plus added in some exercise, it was good to be back at my studio with my class. I ate a super clean high antioxidant, superfood diet, drank a gallon of water a day (which is pretty normal for me anyway) and did meditation & yoga every day.

This time however, I chose to mostly forget about the IUI and live as normally as possible. Ladies... the second time is so much easier, I promise! I knew what to expect, I knew my body better and I was actually happy and OK with how life was evolving. I felt good.

This morning, March 11th came around very quickly this time, unlike the last TWW which felt like a year! I am 14dpiui. (14 days past IUI). My period had not come yet and I had none of the usual symptoms! No lower back pain, not period poops, nothing. Could this actually be happening?

So I pee on a stick. Then wait the 3 minutes. Those 2 ugly words appear.

Not pregnant

Not pregnant. Seriously? Everything went so well this time, I guess not well enough. I was so sure. But why? All of the questions were going through my head. What did I do wrong, what could I have done better?

This time around, the negative really got to me. Way more than the last time. I was so upset. I had been so positive, putting good vibes out in the world, not stressing over it as much. It really felt like I have been punched in the guts.

What to say (and not say) to someone trying to conceive

When you tell the people that know you are trying to get pregnant, that you got a big fat negative, people often just don't know what to say.

Things NOT to say:

  • Sorry, There is always next time

  • Aww sorry, It wasn't meant to be

  • You can try again

  • Next time, change things up

  • Relax, it will happen

None of this helps. In fact it makes it worse. We do not want to hear this or anything remotely close to this. That only fuels our already tender emotions. Avoid any sentence starting with "at least...." or "you can always...". No, there is nothing that can follow that with that we would want to hear.

If I have any advice for my readers, if you know someone trying to get pregnant, but they are having fertility issues, avoid giving advice, just listen.

Some things you CAN say:

  • It's not fair, that totally blows

  • I'm so sorry, here is my shoulder to cry on

  • What do you need right now? A shot of tequila? A glass of wine?

  • I'm sorry to hear that, I am here for you

  • Do you want to talk about it?

  • I wish there was something I could do or say that would make it all better

I feel like a failure

Well, it looks like my body was a bit off, Aunt flow arrived with a vengeance right after lunch. I had to call the clinic and advise them my BETA test was not necessary, that I was a failure once again.

I know this sounds like I am being hard on myself, but that is just how I feel. Like I have failed my body, I failed at life. It is just not fair.

When I spoke to the nurse, I told her her that I would like to do a consult and move on to IVF instead. No more wasting time on IUI's. I should have listened to my doctor when she recommended I do IVF in the first place.

Did you know that many countries won't even do IUI on women over 40? If I could go back to last year when I was deciding on IUI vs IVF, knowing what I know now, and it's not just the negative pregnancy tests I got, but with all my research, I would tell myself to go straight to IVF.

My next appointment is on St Patrick's Day, a zoom consult with my doctor to discuss the plan on moving forward. Oh this should be fun...

My clock is ticking.

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